it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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