This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
