we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
