I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
