remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
