I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
