you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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