You really coming over, don't trick.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
