Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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