We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
