I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
