Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
