best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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