yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
