If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
