I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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