he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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