Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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