Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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