We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
