I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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