can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
