Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
time to smoke my breakfast
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
