I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
