My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
