I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
