dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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