I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Houston, we have a squirter
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize