u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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