i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
