god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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