Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
