fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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