Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
