so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
