Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
