i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
