i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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