while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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