I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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