It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
