Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
