didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
