Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
