I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
