Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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