I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
