Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize