there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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