maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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