i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
there is puke in my bra ... again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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