Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
