how can u be prego again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
