I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
