how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
