After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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