i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
