dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
