I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
