New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
