A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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