lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
