Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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