Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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