MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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